


Ain't nothing true - it's all gone away.

by jperalta



Category: Will & Grace
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 07:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jperalta/pseuds/jperalta
Summary: Meant to sort of fit into the episodes where Will's father dies. God this couple just made so much sense.





	Ain't nothing true - it's all gone away.

Vince had had his eye on Will since he got there. He just wanted to make sure he was okay, but he knew he couldn’t be. How could anyone be okay at their own father’s funeral? He tried to keep quiet and keep to himself as much as he could. He was really only there for Will, if he happened to need him.

From across the room, he saw Will’s mother go up to her son. She was saying something he couldn’t understand, and he saw her waving her hands around, trying desperately to act as though everything was fine and normal. He could see Will’s fists clenching, his jaw tightening. God, how he wished he could just tell him to relax and that it would fix everything. But everything was much more complicated than that.

He saw Will grab a fistful of his own hair in his hand. “Mom, can you just leave me alone for a second?”

“Well, Will, there’s no need to be dramatic. I’m simply saying -”

“Just leave me alone!” His voice had gotten louder and his mother was staring at him. “I’m sorry, I just…” His voice was cracking now. “I need to be, um, somewhere else. Anywhere else.” Then he ran towards the staircase and up the stairs faster than Vince had ever seen him move before.

Vince looked around for a couple of seconds before darting up the stairs after Will. He reached the top and saw a door open a few inches with the light on inside. He knew Will was in there but he wasn’t sure if he should go in. He heard Will muttering to himself, his voice rising and falling every second. Vince pressed his body against the wall and tried to listen.

“Come on, Will,” he was saying to himself. “just calm down. Just take a breath.” His breathing was deep but shaky. “God damn it, what the fuck is wrong with me, just snap out of it!” Then Vince heard a slap, and it sent chills down his spine. “God why can’t I just.. why can’t I stop…” There was another slap, and Vince decided to go in.

“Vince? Wh.. what are you--?”

“What’s going on? Why are you hitting yourself?”

“I’m… not. I just-”

“You were. I just heard it!” Vince knew he shouldn’t be yelling at Will, but he was just so concerned and upset that Will was hurting himself that he couldn’t control his voice. He took a breath and tried to steady his own heartbeat. “Will, what’s going on?”

Will stood in front of him - his limbs shaking, his face pale, his eyes red. He was hyperventilating as if he had just climbed several stories of stairs. He raised his hand and clutched his chest. “Can you please just..” he put a hand on the bed in front of himself, “please just leave? I’m… okay, I just-”

“You’re not okay.”

“I… am… I…”

“Will, I’m not leaving, okay? I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Just this once, let someone be there for you.”

There was a pause as more color ran from Will’s face. He opened his mouth to speak but instead began to fall forwards. Vince ran around the bed towards him and caught him, then sat on the bed and let Will fall against his arm. His skin was warm and clammy. His fingers were trembling as he lightly touched the skin of Vince’s arm.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Will said, sounding terrified.

“That’s okay - it will pass.”

“How do you know?”

“They always do.”

“They?”

“I - yeah.”

“Vince, I’m not like you, okay?” Will spat out between heaving breaths. “I didn’t grow up in a place where it was safe to talk about how I felt. I don’t get therapy included with my job. It terrifies me to know the depths of how… how fucked up my brain is, so please - just tell me what’s happening.”

Vince found his hands running over Will’s hair. They hadn’t talked in months and here they were in this situation. “I think you’re having a panic attack. They usually last no more than twenty minutes. And you always come out of them okay. I promise.”

“God, I feel so terrible. I just…” Will leaned forward and Vince wrapped his arms around him. “Oh God, I want it over now. Please…” There were tears coming out of his eyes now as he continued to hyperventilate. He leaned his whole body into Vince’s arms as Vince continued to hold on as hard as he could.

“It’s okay,” Vince said in as soothing of a voice as he could manage. “I’m here, it will be okay." He sat there with Will nearly on his lap, scratching his head and trying as hard as he could to make Will as comfortable as he could be given the circumstances.

After a few moments, Will was able to sit upright again. He put his hands into Vince’s and didn’t want to stop touching him. “Vince,” he said, a little breathless, “how did you know what was happening?”

Vince let his fingers fall in and out of Will’s as they continued to trace each other’s palms. He averted his eyes from Will’s and focused on their hands. “I... get them… sometimes.” He could feel Will staring at him and he kept averting his gaze. “I know what they look like. I didn’t want you to be alone and I didn’t want you to hurt yourself more than you were.” A flash of color appeared on Will’s cheeks. “I… does this happen a lot?”

He let himself look up at Will, but Will’s eyes were back down on their hands. “I… I guess. Every so often. Usually just when… when…”

“When you get tired of bottling it all up?”

Will nodded. “I guess that’s it.”

Vince shifted his weight around. “Will…” Will drew his hands away and stared at Vince as if Vince had just accused him of something. “Have you thought about going to therapy? Or just... or starting medication or something?”

Will felt a lump in his throat. “I don’t… know if I can.”

“I can help you - if you want.”

“Would you?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you… why are you here, Vince?”

“I just - I didn’t want you to feel alone today. I wanted you to know that I… I still care about you - that I’m here for you - always.” He grabbed Will’s hand again and Will squeezed back. He closed his eyes and very softly said, “I still love you.” He tried to stop tears from forming but he was having a hard time.

He felt Will’s hand on his cheek as a tear fell. “I love you too,” Will whispered. He pulled Vince in towards him and held him tightly as more tears fell onto both of their cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Gone Hollywood" by Superstramp


End file.
